I Do, Or I Don’t

I have found my life partner! WhooHoo, Yay for me! The question facing me now is whether or not to get married.

I felt so proud when my best friend told me she was getting married. She explained to me that they knew they wanted to be together and wanted to take it to the next step. Her reasoning was based on feelings she has watching her siblings marry. She wanted to return the favour. Watching and hearing her choices throughout the planning phase was so exciting! Who to be the celebrant, what content to include or exclude in the ceremony, the feel to the day etc. And the best of all, her motto the whole way through- NO STRESS!. And they did it! And now they are in newlywed heaven!

I also have two friends (a couple) who don’t feel the need to marry. Two modest people who don’t particularly like being the centre of attention, nor do they feel the need to shout their feelings from the rooftops. They are a prime example of a healthy and happy relationship. They are happy knowing they are committed and have developed their relationship in ways that didn’t include a white dress and a three tiered cake.

My partner has made it clear that marriage is not something he wants. He does not see it as a necessary step. He says all the catch phrases one who does not believe in marriage says:

-Why does a contract make our relationship real?

-But I am committed to you!

-Wedding are just such a waste of money.

The problem is, in a lot of ways I agree with those comments. Why do we need a ceremony to formalize the commitment and love? The traditional Jewish ceremony as it stands today is so not something we connect to. We already know we want to be together, plus weddings aren’t even final we can divorce if things doing work out.

So do we, or don’t we?

For me, I do love the idea of celebrating my love for this wonderful man with my close community. I want them all to know that we want to build our lives together. That’s what the ceremony would be about and that’s why we happy enough to throw a party about it.

While I don’t expect anything to change between us afterward, I do feel that the process of organising a wedding would be a meaningful one for us as a couple to endure.

And here’s the trumps: being a new Oleh to Israel, it would be one of the only times my entre family would have a good enough excuse to come to Israel together! At the same time!

Are there stronger forces compelling us to desire marriage? Why do it? Why not? Oh, and what did you wear?

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